James Toney finds a new custodial home in MMA

So its official, UFC signs James “Lights Out” Toney to a multi-fight contract to compete in the UFC. So I guess when you can’t compete in boxing anymore you turn over to MMA. It’s like when you’re old and no one wants to take care of you anymore, you turn your self in to a Skilled Nursing Facility.

Think about it, here are some benefits you get when you switch from boxing to MMA.

1. You don’t have to worry about fighting 12 full rounds. In MMA there are only 3 rounds for non-title fights and most fights end in round one.

2. You don’t have to worry about standing up for long period of time. In MMA you lay on the mat for most of the fight sniffing your opponent’s butt.

3. You don’t have to worry about wearing those annoying trunks. Now you could wear those spandex booty shorts.

4. You don’t have to worry about getting up after getting knocked out in MMA, all you do is wiggle your little fingers and the fight is over.

5. You don’t have to worry if your fight will be on Pay-Per-view because on MMA every fight is on PPV.

You have to admit those are some great benefits. I know you’re going to miss hearing those beautiful copy right words from Michael Buffer and fan favorite commentator Larry Merchant, but in the bright side you got Michael Buffer’s brother being the announcer, Bruce Buffer which by the way he looks like a little vampire, I wonder how he will look with a line up. You also got Joe Rogan who never heard of a razor and is it necessary to always scream when he talks. The only thing you should worry about is how in the world you are going to fit your hearing aids on those disgusting Cauliflower ears not even Mike Tyson will bit those.